


(so come over now and) talk me down

by yancne



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bad Parenting, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Homophobia, M/M, Not Beta Read, Some Fluff, Swearing, Time Skips, both of their parents suck, but i wasnt sure if i should tag them idk, i tried to catch any mistakes but yknow, idk what else to tag, seonghwa is mentioned a lot and yunho talks once, this is basically moments of woosangs journey till they get together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23071957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yancne/pseuds/yancne
Summary: “I need you too.” Yeosang softly whispered to him.A warmth spread throughout his chest. He hugged back tighter.He never wanted to let go.
Relationships: Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang
Comments: 1
Kudos: 58





	(so come over now and) talk me down

It begins when the two of them were five.

Wooyoung’s mom said there were new people moving into the house next door. Said that they have a little boy just like him. He had spent almost the entire day sitting by the window waiting for when they would come. Set up camp with toys and pillows. His mom let it go on for two hours before she told him that they wouldn’t arrive that day. Wooyoung frowned but his mood didn’t stay down for long as he got distracted by his favorite cartoon that popped onto the TV. 

He forgets about it until one afternoon when he comes home from being at the park and sees a little boy sitting on the stairs outside the house next door. Without warning his mom, he immediately runs over. 

“Hi! I’m Wooyoung! What's your name?” he says with great enthusiasm. The boy is startled as he looks up from the ground he had been staring at. Wooyoung continues to smile as he waits for a response. 

He doesn’t get one though as the boy hastily, almost tripping, goes up the stairs and runs inside the house. He almost goes after him before his mom stops him. 

“He didn’t say hi mommy.” Wooyoung tells her with a frown when she begins to lead him to their house. 

“It’s okay, Wooyoung. You can try tomorrow.”

There’s still a frown on his lips but now he had a new set of determination. He nods dutifully, _tomorrow_. Tomorrow he’ll say hi again and he’ll have a new friend. 

That tomorrow doesn’t go as Wooyoung planned. When his mom finally says he’s allowed he goes outside to his front lawn to play, hoping to catch the boy next door. When he gets bored of that he sits on the steps and waits for him to come out. He doesn’t know how long he waits there but by the time his mom tells him he has to come inside his butt is completely numb and he still hadn’t seen a glimpse of his neighbor.

But he hasn’t given up. _Tomorrow_ , he tells his mom. He’ll try to play with him again tomorrow. His just mom hums but smiling at her son's odd fixation on befriending the boy.

Wooyoung spends nearly a week of the month of july trying to catch the little boy. His determination slightly faltered with each passing day. Wooyoung didn’t understand why his neighbor never came out of the house. Of course, he didn’t really notice that no other residents of the place hardly came out either, but the boy was his focus. Did he not want to be his friend? His mom certainly didn’t understand this goal he was dead set on. Maybe it was the fact he was an only child or that there weren’t many other families with kids on their street. But she would keep letting him try. Even at a young age, her son knew how to be stubborn. 

It’s on a Sunday afternoon that he catches his nameless neighbor. Wooyoung steps out onto the front lawn, expecting to wait like every other day, till he sees the boy the same way he had first seen him. Sitting on the steps, staring at the ground. Wooyoung tries a different approach than the last time. Instead of running up to him he walks slowly. In place of speaking with loud enthusiasm, Wooyoung gently sets one of the dinosaur toys he had taken outside with him in the other’s line of sight on the ground. Wide eyes look up to him again but he doesn’t run away this time. Wooyoung smiles happily at that. 

“Do you want to play?” the other boy doesn’t reply right away, wide eyes still staring up at Wooyoung for a few seconds. He looks at the dinosaur toy on the ground and then looks back up at Wooyoung with a small frown. 

“No.”

“Why not?” he asks, not letting the response deter him. “It’s fun.” To prove his point he sits on the ground covered in gravel and begins to play with the different prehistoric animal toys. “See?” he asks as he stops his demonstration. 

“Here.” Wooyoung tries to hand him one of his toys with a smile. His neighbor continues to frown at him but he sees the hand on his lap twitch. He smiles wider, inching the toy closer to him. “ ‘s okay. I share toys with my friends.”

A hesitant hand finally comes up to grab it, bringing it to his lap. He looks at with a frown still on his face. He’s opening his mouth to say something before-

“Yeosang!” A loud voice rings out through the slightly ajar door and the wide eyes are back before he runs away again, taking the toy with him. Wooyoung looks shocked for a second before he also runs back to his home because he finally got his name. _Yeosang, Yeosang, Yeosang,_ he repeats to his mom excitedly as he enters. She smiles at him.

\------------ 

It was a school night. Wooyoung had spent two hours on his homework. He was learning new math in school and he hated it. The homework was too difficult and of course, his parents helped him, but he still didn’t like it. Now, he’s in bed after his bath. He looks up at the glow in the dark stars on his ceiling, his mind slowly beginning to drift into dreamland. But then the colors of red and blue join the color of neon green on his ceiling and he’s confused. He doesn’t have any blue and red lights in his room. 

He gets out of the sleepy haziness he was succumbing to and that’s when he finally hears it. Sirens. He’s heard this sound before. Wooyoung hears it from shows on tv or when he’s in the car and a police car passes by, driving to somewhere unknown. But these sirens don’t fade away. They stay a constant blaring noise, grating his ears. 

Wooyoung flicks the blanket off his body and swings his legs over the side of his bed. He walks over to his bedroom window to find out what is going on. To his left sits the police car and it takes him a second to realize it’s in front of Yeosang’s house. As a kid, he may not know much. Maybe he doesn’t know all the dangers in the big world out there but he knows what the police are for. They help people in bad situations. So if they were at Yeosang’s house it meant his friend was in a bad situation. He didn’t like that. 

He sprints out of his room as fast as his short legs will go. He nearly trips down the steps but makes it to the living room in one piece. ‘Wooyoung’ he hears his name being yelled from the top of the stairs. One of his parents must have heard him rush out of his room though he still tries to unlock the front door when he gets to it.

A hand reaches over his small one on the doorknob, stopping him from trying to unlock it. He looks up and it’s his dad. 

“Wooyoung, what are you doing?” His dad asks as he kneels down to look Wooyoung in the eye.

“Daddy! Police! Police are at Yeosang’s house! Something bad happened!” 

“Calm down, Wooyoung.” 

“I want t’ know if Yeosang’s okay.” 

“Okay, okay. I’ll go see if your friend is okay. Stay with your mom.”

“But-” 

“No.” He says sternly. “Stay. Alright?”

Wooyoung pouts but he nods in agreement. He moves out of the way so his dad can leave. He watches him before shuffling over to where his mom is standing, clinging to her legs but his eyes still trained on the door. 

“It’ll be fine, Wooyoung.” His mom says, gently petting his hair. He believes her because his mom wouldn’t lie. Yeosang will be fine. But he really wants to see for himself. 

It feels like forever when his dad finally comes back in. He was now sitting on the couch with his mom attempting to distract him with whatever was on. It only takes him a second to realize that his dad didn’t come in alone. Trailing behind him is Yeosang. He has his head like he usually does. It doesn’t stop Wooyoung from jumping right off the couch to go over to him. 

The smile he has slowly drops the closer he gets to the other boy. His face was in a state he had never imagined seeing it in before. Where Yeosang’s birthmark usually would be is covered by dark purple and blue. On his lip is the stain of red. Yeosang didn’t smile often but Wooyoung had never seen his friend look so sad. 

“Yeosangie.” Wooyoung says. “You okay?” Yeosang doesn’t respond, just sniffles. But there were no tears. 

“Wooyoung.” It's his mom. But Wooyoung keeps his eyes on Yeosang. “Go sit with Yeosang on the couch to watch cartoon so me and dad can talk, okay?” Wooyoung just nods. He lightly grasps Yeosang’s hand in his. He doesn’t resist as Wooyoung leads him to the couch and stays silent as they sit. 

It’s all weird. Yeosang doesn’t look up once at the TV to watch the cartoons. His parents talk in hushed whispers in the kitchen. Wooyoung could tell there was something he wasn’t understanding. Why this was happening. How it all happened. All he knew that Yeosang was hurt and he was sad so Wooyoung continued to hold his hand. Wooyoung always felt better with a hug but he didn’t think Yeosang would want one. He held the other boy’s hand more firmly. 

They must have fallen asleep at some point. He can feel his father’s hands on him when he goes to lift him up. He can feel his own hand slipping out of Yeosang’s and he whines. He doesn’t want to let go. 

His eyes constantly open and close as his father takes him up the stairs. He won't go back to sleep unless Yeosang is right next to him. They enter his room and it’s the neon green on his ceiling once again. He is being laid down and Yeosang is still not beside him. He whines once more. Wooyoung opens his mouth to ask where he is but then his mother is laying him down on his bed beside him. Immediately Wooyoung scoots closer to him. Yeosang’s eyes are still closed. He looks a little less sad but there are still nasty colors on his face. 

His parents give him a kiss on the top of his head, murmuring goodnight. They move to leave but he stops them. 

“Yeosang too.” He slurs to them as he’s slowly drifting back to sleep. They look at each other before walking over and giving gentle pecks on the top of Yeosang’s dark brown hair. 

“Goodnight.” They both say again before they walk out and gently close the door.

Wooyoung can feel sleep coming over him. He grabs Yeosang’s hand before it does. He doesn’t want to let go. Not until Yeosang is happy again. His eyes finally close with dreams of the day Yeosang accepted his friendship and dinosaur toy. 

\------------ 

The clock reads 11:59. Wooyoung sits cross-legged on his bed waiting for it to be midnight. He holds a chocolate cupcake in his hands with one single candle perched on top. He steadily holds it and hopes the flame doesn’t go out before it’s time. It will be Yeosang’s fifteenth birthday soon so Wooyoung wanted to surprise him. He bought the cupcake earlier in the day. Well, more like his mom bought it but he was still the one who chose it. He then hid it carefully in the fridge so that Yeosang wouldn’t find it at any point in the day they had spent together. 

There are ten seconds left. He counts down to himself in a whisper.

_6...5...4...3...2...1_

“Yeosang, wake up.” He shakes the other boy’s shoulder. “Yeo.”

Yeosang’s eyes blink open and he looks at Wooyoung confused. He sits up and rubs his eyes. ”Woo, why did you-” He stops himself when he finally notices the cupcake in Wooyoung’s hands.

“Happy birthday. I wanted to be the first one to wish you a happy birthday.” Yeosang pauses before he rolls his eyes at him. There’s still a small smile there.

“Woo, you’re always the first one to do that.”

“ _Still._ Now,” he thrusts the desert closer to Yeosang, “blow out the candle and make a wish.” Yeosang’s mouth makes the shape of an ‘o’ as he goes to blow it out. “You have to make a wish first.” He insists. Yeosang gives him an incredulous look but he closes his eyes regardless. It’s a few seconds of silence and then the candle is blown out. 

“What did you wish for?” Wooyoung asks as Yeosang takes the cupcake. Instead of eating it he sets it on the nightstand. 

“I can’t tell you. Isn’t that a rule?” Yeosang slightly smirks at him. 

“Fine. But if it comes true you have to tell me.”

Yeosang chuckles. “Yeah, yeah. Now lay down.” He says as he lays back down himself. 

Instead of putting his head on the pillow he puts it on Yeosang’s chest. A hand immediately goes to caress his hair. There was a time where Yeosang wouldn’t let themselves be this close to each other. But Wooyoung had somehow gotten through his friend’s hard exterior and made it to the soft insides. He was kind of like a crab. Or a turtle. _( Turtle. Huh. Maybe I should start calling him that )_

“What’re you thinking about?” Yeosang asks him.

“Oh.” He tilts his head to look up at him from his spot on Yeosang’s chest, smiling innocently at him. “Nothing.” Yeosang doesn’t look like he believes him, only hums an _‘mhm’_ before he closes his eyes. His hand still cards through Wooyoung’s black hair. It’s only silent for a few more minutes before Yeosang speaks up again.

“Did you set an alarm?” 

Wooyoung sighs. Every time Yeosang would sleepover they had to set an alarm for dawn. It wasn’t always like that. Not until Wooyoung’s dad came in to check on them one morning and found them in the way they currently were. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy, almost making it so Yeosang could no longer sleep over. But Wooyoung assured him it wouldn’t happen again. He had never seen his dad act that way. So he said whatever would appease him. Sometimes he wished he just told him to fuck off. 

“Yeah, I did. It’s stupid that I have to.” 

“Woo-”

“I know. I know.” His tone is heavier than before. He squeezes his arms tighter around Yeosang’s waist. A signal that he no longer wants to talk about it. He can tell the message is received by the sigh coming from above him.

Wooyoung gets it. He does. Yeosang is just trying to look out for him. For his family. _( Their family )_ He doesn’t want Wooyoung to lose a parent just like him. Potentially both of them considering he doesn’t know how his mom felt about the whole ordeal as she stayed silent the entire time his father scolded _( yelled at )_ him. He tries to keep the peace for Yeosang.

For Yeosang whose father is completely out of the picture and whose mother might as well be. Wooyoung’s family was Yeosang’s when his actual family couldn’t be. He didn’t want to take that away. Yeosang would correct him, saying that Wooyoung doesn’t want to lose them either. Which of course he doesn’t. But if his parents tried to tear him away from Yeosang who was just as much his family as they were then he would make a choice. 

He lets himself fall asleep with that determination. Maybe stubbornness or recklessness is what the boy he currently laid with would call it. But he didn’t care. The choice was obvious. It had been for years now. 

\------------ 

Halfway into sophomore year and Wooyoung is practically ready to drop out. He knows it’s dramatic. Every junior and senior would surely tell him to stop complaining because he doesn’t have it as hard as they do. Well, screw them. Right now, this is the hardest time for him and so he will complain about it. But, he apparently wasn’t doing as bad as Yeosang. 

He sits on the step outside of the school building waiting for Yeosang. Also with their friend San. Usually, at the end of the day, he and Yeosang would walk back home together. But today they had made plans to go to the arcade after school. Yet, Yeosang had still not walked out of the big double doors he was waiting in front of. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he quickly fishes it out. 

“Yeosang, where are you?” He immediately asks as soon as he accepts the call.

_‘I need to stay after school today. For tutoring.’_

“What? Tutoring?”

 _‘Yeah,’_ he responds miserably, _‘Mr. Clark says I need it if I want to better my grade before it’s too late.’_

“He can’t just give you extra credit work like every other teacher?” 

_‘Apparently not.’_

“Is this gonna be every day?” 

_‘No. I-’_ a voice in the background interrupts him, _‘I gotta go Woo. I’ll talk to you when I‘m done, okay?’_

Wooyoung doesn’t get to let out a response before the call cuts off. He pockets his cell phone and looks at San, pouting. He chuckles at him 

“Cheer up! Now you get to have me all to yourself.” His friend says, smiling brightly at him. 

“Yay!” Wooyoung sarcastically cheers. San rolls his eyes at him before he’s dragging him up by the arms so they can leave. 

“Stop pouting and lets go before all the good games get taken up.”   
  


They played their favorite game for an hour before people started to complain that they were hogging it. With poorly concealed annoyance the two of them stepped away from it to let the other high schoolers play. Wooyoung thought he wouldn’t enjoy this place as much without Yeosang but ten minutes into playing he was able to push the thought of his absence into the back of his mind. Besides, what Yeosang was doing was important. 

Bright blue lights in his peripheral catch his attention. He looks to the side and it's the claw machine. If Wooyoung named some of his biggest enemies this claw machine would be among the top five. It was clearly rigged. It had to be because no matter how many times Wooyoung tried it he couldn’t get a damned stuffed toy. 

“San, c’mon.” He says, already walking over to it. 

“Wooyoung. Why do you always do this?” San groans as they stand in front of the machine. 

“What?”

“You suck at it. Yet, every time you’re here you want to try it.”

“Can you just give me some coins so I can play it?” He holds his hand out.

“You think I’m gonna waste coins on this?”

“You can buy some more.”

“Am I just a bank to you?” San is already digging in his pants pocket for them. 

“Well, you pay every time we come. So. Yeah.” San rolls his eyes while Wooyoung smiles at him. San places the coins in his hand.

“Thanks.”

True to tradition, Wooyoung is not able to catch anything. He already played five times and each time he has failed. San sighs heavily next to him. 

“Okay. Move.” San lightly shoves him out the way and puts a coin in the slot. 

“If I can’t get one what makes you think you can?” 

San doesn’t respond to him. As soon as the annoying music starts playing from the claw machine, San begins to move the claw over to the dolphin Wooyoung had been attempting to get. Unlike Wooyoung, the fifteen seconds the game gives you to get a prize doesn’t end in failure. Wooyoung gapes at him.

“How-Have you been good at it this whole time?” San just shrugs at him. Woouyoung wants to hit him in the head with the dolphin plushie. 

“It’s not that hard.” 

Wooyoung narrows his eyes at him. “I hate you.”

“Oh. So I guess you don’t want-”

“No! I’m sorry.” He gives San his best puppy dog eyes and takes the dolphin before he tries to keep it. “Thank you.” He wraps his arms around San’s shoulders as he gives him a hug. 

“Mhm. Just never play this game again.” 

“Hmm. No promises.” San sighs exasperatedly at him and Wooyoung laughs. Then his phone rings. 

“It’s Yeosang.” He tells San after he looks at the caller ID.

“Okay. Go. I’ll wait for you.” 

Wooyoung nods and starts to walk outside where it’s not as loud.

“Hey.” He says once he’s finally out of the noise.

_‘I’m finally done.’_

“What is that bad?”

_‘I mean the guy who’s tutoring me, Seonghwa, he’s fine. But doing more school work when I could be literally doing anything else isn’t fun.’_

He chuckles at his best friend. “Are you gonna come to the arcade?”

_‘No. I’m tired. But text me when you get home?’_

‘“Alright.” He hangs up just as the arcade doors open and someone shouts a greeting to him. He looked to find out who and he wasn’t expecting the boy in front of him. It’s Jeong Yunho, from his English class, and also the son of one of his dad’s coworkers. Wooyoung has nothing against the guy but they weren’t exactly friends. 

“Hi, Yunho.”

“Hey, Wooyoung. You’re leaving?” Yunho asks as he stuffs his hands in his bright yellow sweater pockets. 

“No, I was taking a call. You?” 

“Yeah. Just waiting for my dad.” As if on cue a horn comes from a car he hadn’t noticed pull up. The window rolls down and he sees Yunho’s dad in the driver seat. 

“Hi, Mr. Jeong.”

“Hello, Wooyoung.”

The arcade doors open once again and this time it’s San. He comes up to Wooyoung, grabbing his hand and tugging at it. 

“Woo, come on. The other kids gave up the game. Lets go.” He says with a few more tugs. Wooyoung can’t help but chuckle. 

“Alright. Bye, Yunho. Bye, Mr. Jung.” San is already pulling him inside before they can say their farewells back to him.

They spend another hour there and then San is dropping Wooyoung off at his house. He walks into his house, toeing off his shoes, and taking out his cellphone to text Yeosang he’s home. He’s almost done with the text until his father calls him from the kitchen. 

“Wooyoung, come here.” 

He walks over and sees his dad sitting on a stool while his mom cooks. Wooyoung immediately feels an atmosphere he wants to step back out of. He doesn’t want whatever is wrong here to ruin the day he had but he felt like he wasn’t being given a choice in the matter.

“How was the arcade, sweetie?” His mother asks, turning to him. 

“It was fine.” 

“Did you go with Yeosang?” It’s his father this time. 

“No. He was busy.” 

“Then who?” 

What was with all these questions? “San. A friend from school.” 

“You’ve never mentioned him.” 

Wooyoung just shrugs at that. What exactly did his dad want from him? 

“Well, Mr. Jeong, you know him right?” Wooyoung nods. “He told me he saw you there with this San.” 

“...Yeah.” He has a gut feeling about where this conversation was going and he doesn’t like it. He would very much like to go to his room to avoid what is about to happen. He glances at his mom, she’s already turned away from him. 

“He said it looked like you were on a date.”

 _Silence_.

“Were you?”

He doesn’t know why he hesitates because they weren’t. They were hanging out like they usually did. San wasn’t gay either. Or maybe he was. He never asked. Didn’t know why it mattered. But his hesitation must have been an answer for his dad because he sighs heavily. Almost with disappointment. Almost like…something else. 

“Dad,” his voice finally starts to come out as his dad stands up and goes over to him, “we weren’t-”

_Slap_.

It takes a moment for Wooyoung to register it. Takes a moment to register the stinging in his left cheek. The heat that the pain brings to the side of his face. Then the numbness. By the time he has taken it in hot tears are spilling out of his eyes before he can even try and stop them. The man in front of him has turned into a blurry figure from the built-up tears in his eyes. He wished he would disappear altogether. His moms' back was still facing him. 

His phone buzzes in his pocket.   
  


He knows who it is.

\------------

Yeosang was ignoring him and it was pissing him off. It was also making him sad, but more so upset. 

The day after he had been hit by his dad he went to school. Surprisingly his parents didn’t stop him from going. He assumed that they thought if anyone asked about it he would make up an excuse. Which he did. But it showed how much they cared. 

Yeosang went to school earlier than they usually would talk to a teacher so he walked alone that day. They had agreed to meet at his locker before first period. Wooyoung could not forget the way Yeosang’s expression slowly darkened the closer he got to him. 

They stood facing each other in silence. Wooyoung’s eyes were on him while Yeosang’s eyes were his cheek that was bruised. 

“What happened?” Yeosang practically whispered, his eyes still fixated on his cheek. 

Wooyoung shrugged. He didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t know if she should be honest or make something up. Why he was even thinking of covering for his parents in front of his best friend didn’t make sense to him, but there they were. 

“Please. Don’t lie to me, Wooyoung.” He said when Wooyoung still hadn’t answered the question. 

“My dad…” That sentence did not finish. It was obvious anyway. Wooyoung’s eyes flickered to the movement of Yeosang’s jaw tensing.

“Why?” 

He sighed, his eyes trailing down to look at his sneakered feet as he thought back to last night. “His coworker saw me with San. Thought it was a date. It was stupid...” His voice had gone down to whisper as he talked about it.

“....Does it hurt?” 

Wooyoung looked up, ready to lie about it. He didn’t want to worry him. But when he looked up he was met with Yeosang’s soft eyes looking at him. It was a mix of emotions and Wooyoung doesn’t think Yeosang has ever looked at him so gently before. There was also a hand by his cheek. It hovered, too afraid to touch. 

He couldn’t lie to him when he was looking at him like that. “Only a little.” He said softly, though, he leaned into the hand that was too afraid to make contact. He wanted to let Yeosang know he was okay. Maybe it hurt more than a little and maybe he was sadder than he was letting on but he will be okay. He will be okay because Yeosang is there. Always is. 

So there lies the problem because Yeosang has been ignoring and avoiding him for almost two weeks. It started out with denying requests to hang out which Wooyoung chalked up to being busy with school work. But then came not replying to his texts. Then it was actively being avoided in school and Wooyoung did not think Yeosang could completely distance himself when they live right next to each other, yet, he was proven wrong. 

He finds out Yeosang goes to the music room during their lunch period instead of the cafeteria from one of his classmates. So when Yeosang walks in, he’s right there waiting for him. His friend looks like a deer caught in the headlights. One of his feet steps back like he’s getting ready to retreat and Wooyoung raises an brow at him. Asking him if he dares try to run away when he’s already been caught. Yeosang sighs, resigning to his fate.

“Why are you avoiding me? You won’t answer my calls or texts. Somehow you’re never home when you don’t even _like_ going anywhere. Did I do something wrong?” His words came out rushed and he was working himself up but he needed answers.

“You didn’t do anything wrong Wooyoung.” 

“So, why? Why did I need to corner you after almost two weeks of you not wanting to talk to me.” 

“Because…”

“Because what, Yeosang?” No response. “Yeosang, stop being a coward and say it.”

“Because Wooyoung! He hit you!” Yeosang pointed at the cheek that was now a faint mark of what had happened to it. “And it’s my fault!”

“What are you talking about? San-”

“I know, okay. This incident didn’t involve me but your dad acting like this with you all started because of me.” 

Wooyoung couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Yeosang was blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault. Really, sometimes Wooyoung wanted to punch his friend in the face.

He marched up to Yeosang and fiercely grabbed onto his hands. 

“Yeosang, listen to me. You’re my best friend. I don’t blame you for anything. You being with me has never been a fucking mistake, alright?” He steps closer to Yeosang. “I need you here and it really hurt when you kept ignoring me.” 

“I’m sorry, Woo.” He could see tears building up in Yeosang’s eyes but none ever fell. He hardly ever cried. 

“Promise you’ll never do that again?” 

“Yeah, I promise.” Then Wooyoung was being pulled into a hug. They held each other tight like they always did, but this one felt a little different.

“I need you too.” Yeosang softly whispered to him. 

A warmth spread throughout his chest. He hugged back tighter. 

He never wanted to let go.

\------------

Wooyoung stares at Yeosang rummaging through the closest in his bedroom. He doesn’t get why his friend is doing that when all he owns is different variants of black pants and shirts. But, he figures it’s first date jitters. Wooyoung never thought he would see Yeosang like this. At least not for-

He doesn’t let himself finish that thought. 

“Yeosang it’s just a dinner and a movie. A standard date.” Not that Wooyoung would really know. He’s never been on a date. “Just wear what you would normally wear.” 

“I can’t just wear what I usually wear on a date with Seonghwa.” 

“Why? He’s the one that asked you out and it’s not like he fell for you _because_ of your fashion sense.” He gets a plain black tee thrown at his face for that. 

“Well, I don’t really know why the hell he asked me out.” He heard Yeosang mumble to himself.

Wooyoung could list a million reasons. But none that exactly would pertain to Seonghwa. He hasn’t experienced the things Wooyoung has with Yeosang. If the date goes well then, maybe, someday he will. He pushes down the bitter feeling trying to claw its way inside his chest. 

“Look, just go with the ripped jeans that show a lot of thigh and call it a day. Hey, maybe you’ll get a blow job or something by the end of it.” This time a hanger flies at his head. Thankfully it misses. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Love you too, Yeosangie.”

He returns back to his house after Yeosang leaves for his date with Seonghwa. He doesn’t greet anyone that might be in the living room or kitchen and just heads straight for his bedroom. He flops on his bed as soon as he enters. He kind of wants the bed to swallow him whole. 

He doesn’t want to think about Yeosang on a romantic outing. He doesn’t want to think about his parents downstairs. His father is probably complaining to his mother about him being over at Yeosang’s house. Not like they actually know he’s on a date with a guy. But they still didn’t like it. 

Wooyoung keeps telling himself he doesn’t understand why he has not been in the greatest mood ever since Yeosang told him about his date a couple of days ago. He understands. He understands and he hates it. Hates that he wants to keep his best friend to himself and not in a best friend kind of way. He hates that he’s realized he has different feelings that possibly have not been so new. That has been there for a long time. It’s selfish and stupid. 

He’s selfish and stupid. 

Why did this have to happen to him? Wooyoung was perfectly content with having Yeosang as his best friend. He was content with just having Yeosang beside him. Always had been. That’s all he ever wanted. He should be feeling happy for his best friend going on a date with a cool guy. Instead, he’s bitter, sad, and wishing Yeosang would be with him instead. 

He wants to cuddle with him like they used to when Yeosang would sleepover. He wants to be like before when his dad wasn’t a homophobic asshole and his mom didn’t just let shit happen because she was too scared. He just wants to be happy with Yeosang. Yet, he can’t. But he will let Yeosang be happy because that was all that he used to want. It was enough. It should be enough. It is. 

_It is._

_He wants it to be._

\------------

Wooyoung wants to give himself props for lasting a month. He should be able to give himself props for handling Seonghwa invading their lives more than ever. He sits with them at lunch, an arm over Yeosang’s shoulder. He wipes the corners of Yeosang’s mouth when he eats because his best friend had always been a messy eater. He finally decides he can’t take anymore when Seonghwa goes to Yeosang’s house for the first time. No one had ever been there besides Wooyoung. 

He’s sitting on the steps of Yeosang’s house, waiting for him to return from his afternoon date with Seonghwa. But he doesn’t expect to see them walking towards him. A chill courses through him. It’s an ugly feeling. He couldn’t control it, though, even if he tried. He stands up just as they are reaching him and begins to walk away. 

“Woo! Where are you going?” He doesn’t want to turn to look at them but he does. Yeosang will start to wonder if he doesn’t.

“Oh, I just,” he searches for an answer, “I forgot I had to meet with somebody.” It’s an awful lie. Probably an unconvincing one as well but that was the best he could do. It’s not like he waits to see if they believe him. Wooyoung turned back around, walked past his house and down the block to no actual destination. 

He ends up at San’s house. After walking for fifteen minutes and ending up at a small convenience store he had never been to before he called him. Wooyoung didn’t have many other friends he could try to escape to. He was glad San actually agreed to pick him up on a whim. They didn’t hang out as much as they used to. Not since the incident with his dad. But they still tried. Wooyoung wasn’t going to lose a good friend because of that man. 

They sit on the couch watching a dumb romantic comedy that San had decided to put on. Despite it being dumb and full of every cliche he tries to pays extra attention to it. He wants to distract his mind from his best friend possibly laying with someone else in his bed. But then the movie reaches its climax with the main couple. There’s tears, confessions, smiling, kisses and then Wooyoung is crying. It’s ridiculous. He wants to laugh but all that comes out is a sound like he’s choking. He furiously wipes the tears on his cheeks. _It’s so fucking stupid._

“Wooyoung…” San says gently, if a little shocked at the sudden tears, “Why are you crying?”

He doesn’t want to say anything. Wooyoung does not want to admit his feelings to anyone else. He barely wanted to admit them to himself. There’s a constant jealousy and bitterness that he feels towards Seonghwa taking away his special. He doesn’t need to hear from anyone else how ridiculous it is to feel those because it’s not really true. Logically, Yeosang is still there. He still hangs out with Wooyoung. He hasn’t told him that he wants to stop being his friend. But it still fucking hurts. Still feels like he’s losing something important. 

San wraps his arms around him. Wooyoung wants to push him away and make the tears stop. But he doesn’t. He only leans into the touch. He lets San caress his arms, his hair, his back in up and down motions. He lets himself cry. He doesn’t remember the last time he let himself do that. It makes him feel empty and completely overwhelmed at the same time. 

Wooyoung lets himself cry until he no longer can. At least for now. He’s sure there will be more. 

_Ping!_

His phone alerts him that he has a text message from where it sits on the coffee table. He leans more into San, like he wants to disappear. He kind of does. 

“Do you want me to see who it is?” There’s only so many people it could be. None he really feels like talking to at the moment. Wooyoung shrugs. San pulls away a little to reach for the phone and then he’s back to caressing his arm with one hand while the other holds the phone. “It’s Yeosang.” 

He is sure San feels the ways he slightly tenses up at the name. But he doesn’t say anything about it and neither does San, so, he continues. “He says he wants to talk to you when you come back? Do you want me to reply?” Wooyoung shakes his head after a moment. 

He wants to cry again. But nothing comes out. 

\------------

He can see Yeosang waiting for him outside when he steps out of San’s car. He almost wants to be a coward and go back in, let San take him anywhere that wasn’t there. But, Yeosang saw him standing there and he couldn’t go anywhere now. With heavy footsteps, he walks up to where Yeosang sits in front of his house. He doesn’t say anything. He just looks at Yeonsang with a weight in his chest and Yeosang looks back at like he’s trying to figure him out. The only thing filling their silence is the strong wind outside.

“What are you doing outside? It’s cold.” He manages to say despite his throat threatening to close up the more he looks at his best friend. 

“I was waiting for you.” 

Wooyoung sighs. “You could’ve just waited inside, idiot.” He tries to use the teasing tone he usually would but it comes out too dry.

But, Yeosang smiles at him anyways and,God, Wooyoung thinks he could look at Yeosang smiling at him forever. Even with the bad lighting of the street lampposts and his hair mussed up from the wind, Yeosang looks so amazingly breathtaking that it fills him with something he doesn’t think he could ever describe. 

“Let’s go inside then.” Yeosang stands and grabs his hand to lead him to his house. He has to push back harder on the urge to cry.

When they get to his room he reluctantly gets his hand out from the other’s hold. Yeosang goes to sit on his bed while he stays by the door. He wants to be ready to escape at a moment's notice. 

“You’re gonna stay over there?”

“Mhm.” 

“Why?” 

“I just...want to.” He crosses his arms, trying to seem firm in his ground. In reality, he looks like a stubborn child. Yeosang shakes his head at him. 

“C’mon.” Yeosang pats the space beside him with a pout on his lips and Wooyoung can’t really resist that so, like a weakling, he goes to sit next to him. 

“Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” He asks when he’s seated. 

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Woo, you’re a terrible liar. I know you lied to me earlier. I just wanna know why.” 

Wooyoung shrugs meekly. “You were with Seonghwa and... I don’t know. You clearly didn’t have any time to talk to me so I left.” 

“Wooyoung. I can always make time for you.” Yeosang’s tone turned serious all of a sudden. Wooyoung turns to look at him and Yeosang’s eyes are boring into him. He feels the urge to look away but he doesn’t.

“Yeah, well,” his voice shakes slightly, “ you’re dating and stuff so I don’t wanna get in the way.” 

“We aren’t.”

“What?” Wooyoung’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“We broke up today. Well, he broke up with me.”

“I don’t-I-” Wooyoung was extremely confused. The two of them seemed fine. 

“He said he saw I wasn’t feeling it. He didn’t want to waste either of our time.”

“But that’s not true, right? You were-”

“No,” Yeosang interjects, “It’s true. I wasn’t really in it. No matter how much I tried to be because I really did. But it just wasn’t happening.” 

“Okay.” Wooyoung said slowly. He was still confused but there was also a voice in the back of his head telling that now was his chance to admit how he felt. It was a mantra of _do it, do it, do it._ He wanted to tell that voice to shut the hell up. Now wasn’t the right time. 

“Yeah. After he left I thought about why I wasn’t into it and I realized that I actually have feelings for someone else.” Yeosang was smiling shyly at him now. Maybe shy to tell him about his crush. He shouldn’t be, he wasn’t shy to tell him stuff about Seonghwa. 

“Oh...” Wooyoung tore his eyes away from Yeosang and looked at his lap. He wanted to be a good friend but he didn’t think he could manage to listen to his crush talk about their crush.

The next words that come out of Yeosang’s mouth are said in a whisper. Almost like a secret. Like the person saying them is too scared to say them. Wooyoung nearly doesn’t hear over the noise in his brain. A constant back and forth of arguing with himself of what he should do. But, this was Yeosang and Wooyoung always had a part of himself that kept his focus on him. So he hears the words and it’s like everything freezes.

“It’s you.” 

Wooyoung’s head snaps up to look at Yeosang. He wants to ask if he heard correctly or if it’s his mind playing a trick on him. Maybe he’s finally snapped. But Yeosang is looking at him again with those gentle eyes. Like that day he came up to him with a bruise on his cheek though this look was laced with something different. Love, one part of himself said. No, another argued back.

“You’re being serious right now?”

“Yeah. I am.” 

Somehow, even after imagining this moment over and over again, he couldn’t find any words to say.

“It’s okay if you don’t like me that way.” Yeosang said when Wooyoung still hadn’t said anything else. “I just needed to tell you. If it makes you uncomfortable you can tell me. It’s okay. We don’t have to try to be boyfriends or anything. Being around you is enough. ” 

Wooyoung’s vision was getting blurry. He didn’t want to keep crying, frankly, he was tired of it. Everything was so overwhelming he didn’t know how else to react. He figures this time it’s okay because it’s for a good thing. 

“Hey.” Yeosang speaks softly. The pad of his thumb wipes at the tear on his cheek. “I’m sorry if I-”

“No,” Wooyoung cuts off before he can finish, “It’s okay. I’m crying because I like you too. I realized a while ago but I was scared that if I said anything I would lose you.”

“Wooyoung, you could never lose me. I’ve said it before, I need you, and I’ll say that a thousand times until you believe it. I’ll still say it even after you do.” 

“You’re trying to make me cry even more, huh?” Wooyoung said in a shaky voice. Yeosang laughed, wiping more of his tears. “It’s not fair.” 

“You were always more of a cry baby.” 

“‘Shut up. No I wasn’t.” He makes a show of pushing Yeosang’s hand away from his face. Harshly wiping away the tears until they stopped. “See? I’m fine.” 

“Yeah. You’re a tough guy.” Yeosang was teasing him and Wooyoung couldn’t help but pout. Yeosang laughed again.

“I’m kidding. You really are one of the toughest people I know. Probably the strongest.” Yeosang’s eyes were staring into Wooyoung’s but it didn’t make him as nervous. At least not for the same reasons as before.

“You are too. I couldn’t think of anyone stronger.”

Yeosang has been through so much. It was a miracle he was still standing. But Wooyoung was incredibly happy that he was. He could not imagine a life without Yeosang in it.

“Can I kiss you?” Yeosang asked after a moment. The question almost made him freeze again but he didn’t let the emotions overwhelm him. He nodded, Yeosang smiled. 

Yeosang gently grasped his chin tilting his head. Their faces inched closer together and when their lips finally slotted together it was something Wooyoung had never felt before. He had never had his first kiss so that was partly why. But he doesn’t think if he had his first kiss with someone other than Yeosang that it would make him feel that way. 

Yeosang’s lips were soft and moved expertly. Wooyoung’s lips were chapped and followed the lead of the other pair. But it was perfect. They both got lost in the feeling that of being this close. For now they would only think about each other.

Tomorrow there will be problems that will challenge them but they had one another and that was all they needed. 

_Each other._

**Author's Note:**

> so i havent written anything in like 3 years and it probably shows but i hope this wasnt too bad and that you enjoyed it ! um if you want talk to me about this or whatever you can on my twt @jjvnis i have no idea what im doing on there but yeah :)


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